Journal entry #9: September 11, 2003

The full moon has passed me by like a ship in the night. I am actually amazed. I have been watching that orb for so long and knew I would be writing this last journal on this day. The sun shines brightly this morning after the full moon night. It shines on my lovely girls who turned three weeks on the 10^th of September, the same day my husband and I shared our marriage vows 9 years ago.

Amazing…if I only had a dollar for every time I have heard that word since the birth…gosh, I’d be able to buy the matching Peg stroller for my car seats… that’s a lot of amazement. I have been amazed. Amazed at the number of people that have viewed my story, my "tale of birth", my "journey into me". There are up and over 1800 views to my post about the girls’ birth. I am amazed!

But what is not so amazing is how I got to this point in life, this casual yet rocky journey to pure birth. For that is what it is, pure. I only took me: 8.5 years, 6 pregnancies, 5 children, two home births, two breech births, one water birth, one twin birth, one hospital birth, three singleton births, 4 un-medicated births, one precipitous birth, two midwife attended births, one OB monitored birth, one family practice monitored birth, and one unassisted birth. That’s a lot of births for one mom of five kids.

What has been learned on this journey? Well, many things. The most important thing I have learned is respect and patience. And self-accountability. This last pregnancy thrust me into taking the final steps to trusting in myself. Many people say I am "lucky" that all went well with the birth. To me, luck had nothing to do with it. I knew I was healthy and strong and could birth these children. And I did. I also knew that should a problem arise, there was nothing that calling 911 wouldn’t help. I am no different that any other woman who plans to birth a certain way. Situations arise, whether babies are born in hospital, or at home. Things happen regardless of planned birth place. Cords prolapse in all situations…it is a matter of: does a mother know what to do if she encounters a situation that needs assistance? In all my birth experiences, I have learned to know my body, and to know what to do should a problem arise. I know my heart was having a wobble, and that is why a hospital birth was planned. Did I make arrangements for all manners of birth? Of course I did. Much the same as a person that goes mountain biking takes along a tire patch kit. Will the tire go flat? Well, one hopes not, but one is prepared just in case. And that is what I did. I prepared for all possible events. I did not just believe that "I would be taken care of". I took care of myself. In the event of a quick birth I had the necessary things on hand (for example I have a bulb syringe from the birth of my first child. Was it needed, no…but I had it on hand "just in case".), does this mean I planned to birth at home…no it means that I planned for all possible events. My point is; Do parents plan to have their babies in the car on the way to the hospital? No, but it happens. And generally they haven’t a clue as to what to do if baby does make an appearance. For myself, if we had left home we would have birthed half way to hospital. I have chosen to not be in that category of women.

The most frustrating part of the whole event has been my "perceived" need to explain to people that this birth was not intentionally done at home. Gosh golly! What I do know is that this birth happened in a way that gifted me with the birth I would have chosen in hospital. To be just left alone, to not have to argue with people I had never met before about my birth desires. I know that my OB wrote a note about some of my wishes, but this means nothing in reality. If the person attending me did not agree with my desires (in a normally progressing birth), this would have meant that I would have to argue about simple routine procedures during my labor. This was most distressing to me, and the one thing I really wanted to avoid. Even speaking with my darling OB’s resident confirmed this when he stated "you’ll have to go over your desires again with who ever is on call". This is NOT what I wanted. I wanted everyone to just sit on his or her hands till the first baby was out, and then assess things from that point on. Oh gosh, how I would lie awake at night thinking of all the possible scenarios in the labor room and how they might effect the birth of my children. I would finally have to drop rescue remedy under my tongue just to get back to sleep! I was so uptight that, on the night before my OB was on call (prior to going on holidays), I called a friend to ask about having my cervix "massaged", so that I might go into labor and be attended by someone who I could trust to sit on his hands. Thankfully, I called the right people and I went to bed with cervix intact! The next morning I awoke without one niggle of my uterus. The day passed uneventfully and I carried on into my 39^th week of pregnancy.

I am very glad the birth went as it did. Not to say that I enjoyed being thrown into full transitional labor, without the endorphin support of a longer first stage. I can remember almost every movement of my body, how I handled each contraction. I remember my thoughts and feelings. I was very aware of what was going on around me. I am amazed though that I did not realize that this birth was the birth I had been wishing for (actually I was wishing to wake up in the middle of the night with two babies crawling up my chest!!!). I was being gifted with the birth of my desires. I was not missing out on not only my last chance at home birth, but an unassisted birth where I was to trust in myself and to fully let go of the whole process, trusting that it was "I" who would be catching my babies, it was "I" who had the control to do what was needed to get the babies out safely. I had to listen to myself for that is what birth is all about. I was being primal, going deep into myself and finding the essence of my being…I was finding my "birth love". I have reached the pinnacle of birth. Trusting that my body knows what to do and letting it do it, without interfering.

I remember having a talk with my family doctor. This was shortly after the breech birth of my daughter. Even though I had birthed with no complications and/or medication with any of my three children, she made the statement that it took birthing my daughter to finally "get it". "Get it" as in get what birthing is all about. I had gone to her office in a tizzy one day due to the breech situation, knowing that I would be going to hospital. I had asked her about which doctor will deliver a breech baby…she said "they all deliver breech". I was in a frantic mood. She ultimately called me a ‘home birth prima donna spewing intellectual bullshit". I ran from the office crying my eyes out all the way home. I felt very sorry for myself. I was not until a year later that I realized…"she was right". By birthing my daughter breech, and in the hospital I learned a very valuable lesson, a lesson that brought me through the birth of the twins.

Was it my intention to birth at home? No, but that is not to say that I did not want it to happen this way. My greatest desire was to birth these girls the best way I knew how. I my intention was to birth smoothly and with little interference. My intention was to birth fearlessly and with love. My concerns: strangers imposing on their fears me needlessly would affect my birth. That I would be looked at in the same light as a woman who had not spent the last 8 years of her life learning about birth. That my desires would not be respected, that strangers, attempting to shape my birth process with their limited birth faith, would surround me. I knew that I had to follow my intuition. (Oddly enough my intuition didn’t inform me at the time that I was in advanced transitional labor!). I followed my birth faith. I followed what my body was telling me. My body, my faith and ultimately my higher power gave me the birth that alleviated all my concerns. I had a quick birth.

Many are astounded by the events that happened in my home during the hours of 11:30 am and 12:30 pm August 20^th. Many ask if I went to hospital and are amazed I did not. Many, I am sure, do not believe me when I say it was not a planned home birth. Amazingly enough the birth was so quick that not even I realized that "my dream birth" was happening. A birth so quick my heart didn’t have a chance to be taxed and need monitoring. A birth so quick not even my husband realized I was having the babies and missed the emergence of the first baby. As a matter of fact, he was cleaning out the van so I wouldn’t get upset at having to ride to the hospital in a messy car (which I know I would bring up after the fact!). The birth was so quick that calling 911 would have been pointless, as the deed would have been done and over with by the time they got to the house. And the last thing I wanted was four burly firemen entering my ensuite while I was completely naked. Just imagine how that would have effected my birth process. And I happen to know the procedures they employ if attending an accidental homebirth (cutting cord, starting IV, blah blah blah…), and again I didn’t want to have to deal with all that and discuss my reasons for wanting things the way I knew they could be. Birth when left alone happens and fear is not an element that I wanted to introduce to the event that was.

So here I am on the other side of birth again. Fuller, more wise, ready to tackle the task of being a mom to 5 kids. I can say, "I’ve been there and done that" to many moms. I have had the most intensive training of any childbirth advocate I know (except for the ones who have had surgical/instrument births). I am ready to take up my calling and to further myself in supporting the rights of the pregnant woman.

But first I have to go nurse a baby…or two!

Thanks all.

Patricia Blomme

Back to Home